O Tannen-Bomb

Water your tree to avoid unwanted holiday lighting displays

Published: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 - 13:41

It’s that time of year again. The time when eggs get nogged, pudding gets figgy, and it becomes socially acceptable to speak in rhyme. So on that note, and with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, I bring you this timely and heartfelt public service announcement. Enjoy.

’Twas the week before Christmas, and I couldn’t be bothered,
to make sure that our tree had quite enough water.
“A sprinkling of needles on the carpet, I say,
lends an aura of forest to our yuletide feng shui!”

When what to my web-browsing eyes should appear,
but a horrific video, one that filled me with fear.
’Twas created to warn folks across this great nation,
by the National Fire Protection Association.

A public service message, in which one will learn,
that if your tree is too dry, it’s more likely to burn.
And like a forest long parched by a hot summer drought,
once that sucker’s ablaze, it’s mighty hard to put out.

Alarmed though I was, it did ease my mind,
to know that such fires, are on the decline.
In the spirit of the season, I felt I should share,
So I created these graphs in Minitab Statistical Software.

And here, in this time series plot is the proof,
that over years, such fires have been greatly reduced.
And along with those fires, it feels good to tell,
the number of injuries has gone down as well.

Good news, ’tis true, fires are now better managed.
Alas, the same ’tisn’t true for property damage.
The red in this next graph, is what to review,
to confirm that over time, damage amounts grew.

But red alone is misleading, and you’ll see what I mean,
if you adjust for inflation, as I did here in green.
The green and red, taken together here show
for the same damage today, how much money you’d owe.

So avoid the whole mess, and resolve to hydrate
all conifers dwelling within your estate.
“Water your tree,” once more I will prod,
“to avoid an emergency call to the tannen-bomb squad.”

Wishing you and yours a safe and happy holiday season.

About The Author

Greg Fox

Greg Fox is a statistical technical communication specialist II at Minitab. He’s also a technical writer. Have you ever clicked “Help” in Minitab and been awestruck by the wealth of timely and truly helpful content revealed before your eyes? Fox writes that stuff. Well, he and several other smart and dedicated folks. They work hard to provide you with the documentation that you need to get your job done and achieve success with Minitab Software.